yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
