you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
