He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
