we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
