I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
