just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
