Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
