Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
