I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize