Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize