I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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