Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
