im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
