I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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