Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
