I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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