I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
