Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
