I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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