My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
