even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
