Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
