they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
