"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize