Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
