True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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