Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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