Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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