Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
