How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
