Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
