he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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