when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
