So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
