Cold hands, warm shart.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I understand Curling. That high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
