What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
