Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
