we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
