Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
