i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
