I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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