Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
