is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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