Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
