Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize