you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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