***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The air taste purple.
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