your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
