I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
