Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
