Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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