As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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