The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
