we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
