My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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