I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
