Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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