So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
