ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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