I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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