john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
