If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
