you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
