my phone needs a breathalizer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
