no you cant smoke seaweed
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize