They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
