I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
