so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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