I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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