Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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