shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
