Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
as a side note pls kill me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
